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  • Jess Haag

Feeling...hopeful

Treatment #7 in the books.  And I must say....I already miss my port.  I wasn't expecting the pain I felt in my arm that day....seriously.  I had an hour to go and it was getting quite painful.  Half an hour to go....I was sweating from the pain.  I felt like ripping that thing right out of my arm, right then and there.  I will also say that I feel as though I have a pretty decent tolerance when it comes to pain.But Holy. Bonks. I won't lie, there miiiiight have been just a few choice words that went through my head at that point in time.  But....a phrase I tend to repeat over and over and over again in times like that is, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Pushed through....my arm still sore as we speak...but nothing I can't handle.

So.  We had a CT scan on Monday to check progress on the treatment thus far.  I admit I was quite nervous for this scan.  I was in the hospital for a few days with a blood infection after my last treatment, and they also advised me to stop taking my chemo pills (I take these pills for 2 weeks on starting the day of IV treatment, then 1 week off) for that last round.  So all of that combined....had me a bit more nervous.

Well...we had a positive report.  My tumor markers are still headed in the right direction.  We got to see the CT scan results, of course, and it showed the lesions on my liver are looking better.  Some lesions are completely gone, and the big ones have decreased in size.  The liver is/was their biggest concern in all of this--too many spots on both sides of it.  But....that being said....Dr. looked at us and asked, "Did you have a consult with a surgeon when this all first started?"  Yes, yes we did.  And we happened to pretty much love the guy so that's cool. 

The reason he asked is because he sees a surgery consult in our future...the near future.  Quite honestly, they--and by they, I mean the 4 oncologists I met with from the get go (yes...I met with 4.  Sound crazy?  Well....I wasn't accepting what some of them said and I also wanted a 'fighter.'  So.  Here we are.)-- they didn't see surgery as an option at all from the start.  There were too many spots, located on both sides of the liver. 

But now...Dr. said he'd like to do 3 more treatments (this past treatment on Tuesday is included in that total) since the chemo is still working, and then it appears we will be consulting with our surgeon to discuss further treatment.  He said it is an aggressive treatment plan, but again with my age and the way my liver is looking, let's talk surgery.  This, my friends, was a pretty awesome thing to hear in these shoes.


 I know my husband was beyond relieved, excited, happy, all of the above.  I was pretty quiet in the car at this point--loooooots of stuff going on in this head.  He looked at me, "Are you excited?"  No...  "Are you happy?"  Eh...  not the right words to describe how I was feeling.  The right word to describe how I was feeling didn't come to me until yesterday.  "Hopeful."  That would be the exact word to describe how I'm feeling.  There is still the unknown--the ups & downs that come along with this whole gig.  But...I remain hopeful.  And although talk of surgery was awesome to hear, there's still that unknown of what is yet to come.  This is where I remain hopeful and pray to God that He gives us the strength to endure whatever it is that comes our way. 

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